Why does everything have to be so damn AWKWARD?
Pienso que tengo un problema. Cada vez que consigo implicado con un monstruo del individuo I hacia fuera. No se manejar cosas. Muy bien ellos estoy hablando con, colgando hacia fuera con ellos, lo que, pero una vez que las cosas vayan mas alla de esa, Juro, Pienso que mi cerebro comienza a derretirse. Me siento como soy la unica persona con este problema. Mis el resto de los amigos de muchacha son atractivos y no se parecen preocuparse de esta clase de cosa. Debo ir en el Dr Phil show.
haha i feel like writing in spanish... sorry guys! haha
"guys don't come with instruction manuals: a short story."
sitting in his room tonight, there is light and there are words and music and i am sort of cold but i don't want to complain, and i think i have found the person who i was supposed to find and i hope he feels the same way. then he says he wants to tell me something. and i let him, and then he looks at me with his eyes and i can see inside of him, expecting something deep and passionate to explode out of him.
he says-
"when we first met, you were a terrible kisser" (the heck i'm not! you dont know how to kiss)
i go home; the lights shut off.i go back inside my shell. i am still there looking at him but now i feel like an old newspaper that you potty train dogs with. maybe i will go and try to look for a book that says "the instruction manual for everything, ever," written on the front.
i am sorry things were not programmed into me like they were programmed into your cable box, honey.
i hear they have mail-order brides in thailand, maybe you should try that sometime.
if you don't want me, you can let me go.
and then he tries to make it seem like i should sit there and smile, like everything is alright, meanwhile i am searching for something to make him mad and i can think of a few things, but do i want to lower myself to that level? yes. i do. but not right at this moment. i will wait for another day, another time and another place when i feel he is most vulnerable, and i will say something to him. every so often i come out of my universe to see what the world is like, and i find many times that i have to go back in right away.
thanks for the inspiration to write this, you know who you are.
Some shit I realized about myself!
It's V-day and im grounded hahaha! what a loser!
So, I've done some thinking and have come to the conclusion that I am one big walking irony, or paradox, because I honestly don't know the difference between the two. I recognize that there are some fatal flaws in my character that will probably need some readjusting along the line somewhere, but honestly I don't have the mental capacity to focus on changing them now. For instance, I can't keep a room clean for more than two days. I don't know why, I've tried so hard to not throw my clothes on the floor when I'm changing into my pajamas and I tell myself over and over to be neat because no guy wants a messy girlfriend but at the end of the day I'm just too damn tired to go find a hanger in the closet and my shirt winds up staying on the floor for a good week until my yaya discover it again. I'm good at computers, at figuring them out and writing webpages and I'm good at tinkering with electronics until I understand them, but for the life of me, I cannot devise a way to make it so all of the wires spewing out from my mouse and lava lamp and alarm clock and speakers and printer and ethernet cable are laying in a fashion that does not resemble a rubbery jungle. I just seriously can't do it. I think I should get someone in here to organize my desk because I don't know how I even work on it what with all the paper and gum wrappers and dust particles and wires that pollute its tacky wooden surface. Another thing is that I hate when people are indecisive, it really pisses me off, but when people turn to me and ask, "OK, so what do you want to do?" it's not unusual for me to respond with a meek "whatever you want is fine." Well maybe not all the time, that usually only happens if I'm around a guy I like because I don't want him to think I'm some controlling bitch and sometimes I honestly am up for anything but then I was reading Cosmo today and then I think guys like controlling he-women, or they seem to like everything that I'm not, whatevs, fuck you, sleazy magazine. Another thing is that I'm really impatient, probably the most impatient person ever. For example...while waiting for breakfast this morning and after noticing that the line was not moving at all, my inner monologue began to go something like, what the fuck is taking these people so long, come on, I'm hungry! when I am well aware of what life in the food service industry is like and I should be considerate and understanding. But when someone rushes me, I get all pissy and tell them to shut up.
Eh, other than these minor imperfections, I'm the fun loving babe that every guy dreams about. Except am I the only person WHO DOES NOT UNDERSTAND T9 WORD? WHAT IS THIS SHIT? Everytime I text message a simple, commonplace word such as "hello" it automatically fills in some string of nonsensical jibberish like "hummingbird" or "mylanta" or something else that couldn't be further from what I was trying to say. Now for something positive...I got this black dress and these new shoes and they look simply smashing. And I have half a pita that I can't wait till tomorrow to eat. Oh man, food is so good.
I'm never drinking again!
Everything a guy tells you is absolute bullshit!
I went on a three day drinking spree this weekend which has never happened before because usually after the first night I can't even talk about alcohol the next day. Somehow I pulled through all three nights of stumbling around parties and trying to get past our security without them noticing my obvious inebriation. Saturday was definitely the worst. I had a really good time, except for the fact that the guy I brought to the party flirted with another girl the ENTIRE TIME. It's not like it was a mystery that I liked him. He knew. Yea, he definitely knew, and I thought he liked me as well but of course not. Then she leaves and he comes to talk to me like I'm some kind of idiot. I'm not blind. I saw him with her the entire time like I didn't exist, and then he tries to feed me some bullshit story like he couldn't help it at all. Please. I am sick of guys. They're all a bunch of smelly dirty drunken slutty liars. Other than that part, the rest of the party was awesome. We got back home and I tossed my cookies. Then I went to my friend's room where I thought I had to puke again so I sat on the bathroom floor and just busted out crying like I was in some movie. I wasn't even that upset over the whole fiasco, but crying hysterically next to the toilet in my nice clothes seemed so fitting. Then Juan came to see if I needed a hospital, and I thought I might because I was afraid if I closed my eyes I'd die, but I told him no. Then the male slut called to see if I was ok, and I said I was fine and he said it sounds like you're crying and I said I wasn't and hung up. Now I'm sick from not sleeping or eating anything and I didn't go to any classes today, and I'm done with that guy and I hope I never see him again.
