Beautiful Disaster

Some shit I realized about myself!

It's V-day and im grounded hahaha! what a loser!

So, I've done some thinking and have come to the conclusion that I am one big walking irony, or paradox, because I honestly don't know the difference between the two. I recognize that there are some fatal flaws in my character that will probably need some readjusting along the line somewhere, but honestly I don't have the mental capacity to focus on changing them now. For instance, I can't keep a room clean for more than two days. I don't know why, I've tried so hard to not throw my clothes on the floor when I'm changing into my pajamas and I tell myself over and over to be neat because no guy wants a messy girlfriend but at the end of the day I'm just too damn tired to go find a hanger in the closet and my shirt winds up staying on the floor for a good week until my yaya discover it again. I'm good at computers, at figuring them out and writing webpages and I'm good at tinkering with electronics until I understand them, but for the life of me, I cannot devise a way to make it so all of the wires spewing out from my mouse and lava lamp and alarm clock and speakers and printer and ethernet cable are laying in a fashion that does not resemble a rubbery jungle. I just seriously can't do it. I think I should get someone in here to organize my desk because I don't know how I even work on it what with all the paper and gum wrappers and dust particles and wires that pollute its tacky wooden surface. Another thing is that I hate when people are indecisive, it really pisses me off, but when people turn to me and ask, "OK, so what do you want to do?" it's not unusual for me to respond with a meek "whatever you want is fine." Well maybe not all the time, that usually only happens if I'm around a guy I like because I don't want him to think I'm some controlling bitch and sometimes I honestly am up for anything but then I was reading Cosmo today and then I think guys like controlling he-women, or they seem to like everything that I'm not, whatevs, fuck you, sleazy magazine. Another thing is that I'm really impatient, probably the most impatient person ever. For example...while waiting for breakfast this morning and after noticing that the line was not moving at all, my inner monologue began to go something like, what the fuck is taking these people so long, come on, I'm hungry! when I am well aware of what life in the food service industry is like and I should be considerate and understanding. But when someone rushes me, I get all pissy and tell them to shut up.

Eh, other than these minor imperfections, I'm the fun loving babe that every guy dreams about. Except am I the only person WHO DOES NOT UNDERSTAND T9 WORD? WHAT IS THIS SHIT? Everytime I text message a simple, commonplace word such as "hello" it automatically fills in some string of nonsensical jibberish like "hummingbird" or "mylanta" or something else that couldn't be further from what I was trying to say. Now for something positive...I got this black dress and these new shoes and they look simply smashing. And I have half a pita that I can't wait till tomorrow to eat. Oh man, food is so good.

posted by Bianca Alexi @ 8:37 AM