Beautiful Disaster

Wiggers

consider this conversation i had with a fellow wigger classmate. (distance learning program)

me: hey dennis, what's up? wigger: you know, you better stop talking to me before i punch you in your fucking ugly face.

now, was this really called for? i think not. but after he said that, i just laughed because it was funny. i mean, i got called ugly by a wigger. that's just funny.

this boy is in two of my classes. he wants g unit sneakers. in fact, one day he was telling me how phat they are.now, anyone who wants g unit sneakers needs to be hospitalized. during the duration of a normal school day, i will tell him to shut up, and he will proceed to call me ugly or make threats to burn my house down or break my nose.

this is also the same boy who asked if he could research tupac in english. keep in mind the assignment was to pick a british poet to research. no dennis, you cannot research tupac. this is not the time nor the place for the tupac ressurection

he also treats girls like crap, except for the girls he thinks are hot, he treats like them like dirt instead of crap. you see, on a scale of things, being treated like crap is worse than being treated like dirt, because crap comes out of your ass but god made dirt, so yea.

apparently i am not ugly so that means i don't fall into the "crap" and "dirt" category.

i have never had an intellectual conversation with dennis, but i imagine that after he gets done verbally abusing homosexuals, ugly girls, and non wiggers, he goes home and watches BET and masterbates to images of beyonce and 50 cent.

dennis likes to walk around school with his hardened look on his face like he's been through so many tough times. please, dennis. you live in upscale suburbia and you have your own car. shut the hell up.

dennis also claims that he has ADD, which he thinks gives him the right to scream, gurgle, get up and walk arounf during class, and blurt assorted other irritating remarks every 3.7 seconds. he also thinks it gives him the right to wear his hat tilted to the side, a doo-rag, and to pull one pant leg up. a good representation of what dennis sounds like is a seal. seals slap their fins together and bark. dennis also does this.

in conclusion, dennis should find the nearest tall building and jump off of it.

posted by Bianca Alexi @ 7:17 AM 0 comments

I'm a shitty girlfriend!

I've figured out something that probably has a lot to do with everything. I am shitty girlfriend. I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm bitchy, maybe I'm not funny or spontaneous enough. But whatever the reason, I know what I know, and I know I suck in relationships.

I was foolish to think that in college things would be different. That guys would be better and people would be nicer and it would be so much easier to get along and form relationships because we are all "adults" now. Wrong. I'm not a college student, just a high school kid who has moved on. The thing is, I knew it would be like this, I was just too stubborn and too dillusional to think that what someone told me would be any different from the shallow meaningless blather I had sworn to avoid. Yes kids, I got played.

I guess I am a shitty girlfriend because I am not ok with my significant other going to various parties and having sex with girls who he won't remember the names of in the morning and getting a disease and having to go to the campus clinic and take medication. I try not to be clingy. But I'm really not all for my boyfriend joining a frat and getting shitfaced every night. Sorry.

I don't know why I am so bothered by this. It's really not a big deal and it's happened plenty a time. I just don't think I'll ever have a boyfriend. What guy would say, "Ok, I'm not going to look at anyone else except you." None. And I'm not trying to be some feminist bra burning gender equality activist. I'm just speaking the mother fucking truth. Girls have been told this eternal lie that some day her prince will come and they will ride off in the sunset and live forever without any problems or divorces or cheating or lying or a need to be free or anything. No. As much as I'd like to think this, it just isn't going to happen.

posted by Bianca Alexi @ 7:28 PM 0 comments

I'm Probably the worst person alive

So it all started yesterday when I went to sugi to get some sushi. As I was walking out, this girl handed me a free sample of something in a plastic bag. Since it was Halloween, I figured it was candy. After I got outside, I looked in the bag. It was a box of panty liners.

OK, great. So now I have this box of feminine products. And I have a floor full of male friends. Hm. So I go give the bag to my guy friend who I kinda like. I leave the room before he has a chance to open it. Fast forward a few hours after we got back from trick or treating. Yes, we went trick or treating. We were all just fucking around and somehow the box of panty liners wound up being opened and tossed around. My guy I had given the box to threw one of the little pads at me, and in retaliation, I went to go shove one down his shirt, and I accidentally grabbed onto his gold chain and it broke. Time froze. I stood dead still with the broken chain in my hand with this look on my face. I didn't know what to say or do. I was just staring at him and he was staring right back at me. He was giving me the Look of Death. I was so scared he was going to punch me in the face. I mumbled something about how I would pay for it, and then I pulled a Napoleon Dynamite and ran up the stairs to my room. And then I flipped the hell out. I seriously went nuts. I started crying hysterically and shaking. First my hands went numb, and then the rest of my body. I was lightheaded and nauseous and thought I was going to pass out. My eyeliner was coming in black rivers down my face. My friends came in to see if I was ok. I have never been that upset before. I don't really know why. Maybe it's because I really like this guy and breaking his shit is not the best way to make a good impression. My friend went to go see if he would talk to me but he wouldn't because he was upset. That made it even worse. I felt like the biggest piece of shit alive. How could I have been such a fucking moron? It's one thing if this happened at home with my friends whom I've known. But I haven't known this guy nearly long enough to convince myself that he won't hate me as a result. Not to mention I like him. God dammit! Why do I always screw things up? I tried gathering myself because I was going to go talk to him and apologize, even if he didn't want to talk to me, because I wasn't going to let this wait until the next morning. So I made my way downstairs. I was so, so scared. I don't know what I was so afraid of. His reaction, I guess. I always think of the worst case scenario and convince myself it's going to happen. I walked into the room and he was there with some guys, and I told him I was sorry and I don't blame him for not wanting to talk to me and if he hates me then I understand that too and just let me know how much it is to fix and I'll buy you a new one. Then I went back up to my room and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like absolute shit.

I'm probably over reacting, he probably isn't going to hate me forever, but what if he does? What if he's like, look you stupid whore, you're obnoxious, don't ever talk to me again. I'm so scared of losing him and all those other guys as friends. Maybe it's silly to think that they would all hate me because of an accident, but that's the way my mind works. I can't reason. I see things in black and white. He either despises my existence completely or he laughs about it. In my mind, I can only picture the negative happening. I feel like I'm going insane. My solution is to not talk to him unless he talks to me. I'm not going on that floor again for awhile. I've already planned out the next week as to avoid contact with them all. This is the sort of thing you laugh about in ten years. It's actually a somewhat funny story, except for the part where I'm a complete douchebag. Ugh.

posted by Bianca Alexi @ 7:33 AM 0 comments